fox files

We’re told that life is a gracious gift to us. ????????????

I’ve been told that our lives are learning experiences.

To learn from them and keep moving forward and upward.

I’m also told to appreciate the gifts we do have.

And not to concentrate on the negatives.

When I was a little kid and didn’t feel mortality, I thought I’d have the world by the balls by age 30. I looked in the mirror today and didn’t recognize the person standing in front of me, but rather saw only a 61 year old man who accomplished nothing in life, has left more with the fbi than his own soul and has nothing to offer it or others, while leaving no legacy behind.

To what end was it all for? To learn? To Grow?

I don’t understand what I’ve truly learned or how I’ve grown, other than that life is composed mostly of unhappiness, sadness and loneliness.

We’re born alone and I know we will be alone when we leave this life, but to base everything on faith? I’m just not learning from it or getting it here.

Faith? Learning experience? Immortality?

I find happiness when asleep and not dreaming. Just plain not self aware. The same as the state when we all never existed the first 19 billion years during the creation of the universe. Non existence. That’s where it’s really at. I think that’s the thing to long for. Stop over analyzing life and to simply leave things at that. It could make the little bit of life we have here so much easier to assimilate.